Making Friends When You Have Social Anxiety

How You Can Overcome Your Social Anxiety and Form Meaningful Relationships Despite It

Socializing doesn’t come easily for everyone. While you likely know somebody who becomes the life of the party at every gathering they get invited to, you might feel like you are quite the opposite. And that’s perfectly okay!

Social anxiety affects many individuals, and even those who seem to be people magnets might deal with some inner stress when placed into uncomfortable situations. It is not an uncommon phenomenon, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to manage.

Focus on Yourself First

No one knows you better than, well, you. If you want to make an honest effort to overcome your social anxiety and form relationships with new people, then you will first need to look inward and confront certain aspects about yourself.

How do you typically respond to social interaction? What kind of body language do you give off? These questions are a vital part of understanding how your brain operates and the responses it gives when put in new situations.

Many different people pointing their index fingers at a stressed woman — Your biggest obstacle when it comes to forming new friendships tends to be yourself, so try to pull the reins in on your imagination and don’t let it overwhelm you.

Control Your Thoughts

It’s extremely easy to get overwhelmed with incessant thoughts concerning how you are perceived by those around you. Many individuals who deal with social anxiety tend to participate in “mind reading” where they overanalyze behaviors and jump to premature conclusions without directly confronting the other person to either confirm nor deny the assumptions.

Having social anxiety is tough, but letting it fester inside of your brain will result in even worse developments for your mental health. Instead of imagining the worst case scenario every single time you think someone might be upset with you, try to take a step back and approach the situation with a rational mind.

Comfort Zones

There is security in familiarity, but the prospect of engaging in new social situations brings with it uncertainty that threatens to destabilize that security. A mundane life where nothing changes might sound appealing in theory if you experience social anxiety, though I wouldn’t get too sucked into that fantasy.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is an extremely healthy thing to do, and regularly doing so can be helpful for managing your social anxiety. Attending clubs that concern subjects you're interested in, interacting with individuals who share similar mindsets as you, and volunteering for organizations with beliefs you are passionate about are all ways you can socialize yourself with others.

Many people socializing at a restaurant — Though it is tempting to hide away in your comfort zone where you have complete control over your domain, regularly stepping outside of your bubble can help you become a more well-rounded individual.

Mind the Introduction

Meeting new people is often nerve-wracking for those with social anxiety, and though you shouldn’t overthink more than necessary, it doesn’t hurt to prepare an introduction ahead of time. This doesn’t have to mean you memorize an entire script, but going over what you want to say in your head before actually doing it can take a lot of pressure off your shoulders.

First impressions are a pretty important part of meeting someone new. Following typical socially acceptable behaviors will help you present yourself as a confident individual and easy to engage with. Eye contact, smiling, and casual body language are all positive attributes to aid your character when socializing with new people.

Maintain Your Relationships

You can’t expect to form meaningful friendships without making a conscious effort to put in the work required for them. Relying on others to initiate conversations or to always go out of their way for you is an unrealistic expectation when you do not make attempts of your own, and it will lead to unhealthy, one-sided relationships that are not good for either person involved.

Veer away from falling into this pattern and be aware of your actions with other people by keeping these points in mind:

Stay in touch with your friends by reaching out to them at appropriate times via your preferred method of communication (text, phone calls, social media, etc.).
Show you care by committing yourself to plans you make with your friends, and do your best to avoid canceling plans at the last minute merely because you changed your mind.
Even though life can get hectic, devote some time out of your schedule to spend with your friends. This will be beneficial to your mental health, as well.

Friends and a dog sitting together on a blanket in the park — Friendship is a two-sided coin that requires effort from both parties involved. You must take responsibility for yourself and realize that you need to put in the work just as much as anyone else.

Tips to Remember

You should prioritize your friends and make time for them in your schedule. Never take your friends for granted.
Don’t change yourself on the basis of wanting to appeal to others. Your beliefs and values are an important part of who you are, and true friends will accept that.
Building meaningful friendships takes a lot of work and the payoff will not be immediate. With mutual effort and enough time, you will forge strong bonds.

If you are serious about wanting to make new friends while managing the confusing labyrinth of social anxiety, know that your efforts will not be in vain. There are other people out there who have a lot more in common with you than you realize, and with enough dedication you will find those who will fit perfectly into your social circle.

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